It’s not often that Valentine’s Day and Presidents’ Day fall on the same three-day weekend. It’s a rare, sensual happening.
The last VP Weekend was more than a century ago, in February 1913. It was so historically sexy that a whopping three presidents were conceived in a 72-hour span: Nixon, Ford, and Stephen J. Shiller (president of Blinds To Go, Inc.).
Where does the erotic link between Valentine’s and Presidents’ Day originate?
Astrologers claim that the two holidays commingle heavily, but only during a perfect lunar cycle — when the waning moon is fully waxed in quivering anticipation — does a true VP Weekend occur.
Even if you disregard the stars, the partnership is a logical one. Valentine’s Day, the most romantic day of the year, shares a strong flirtatious link with Presidents’ Day, the second-most seductive day on the calendar.
What’s that? How is Presidents’ Day the second-most sexy day of the year? Because presidents are kings of seduction. Luring the American public into their bedchambers. Promising equal representation and fair pay. Pulling out at the last minute. Filibustering all over our 800-thread count sheets.
Presidents’ and Valentine’s Day are a celestial and physical match. A perfect wine and cheese pairing for the loins. That’s why there’s a natural attraction in the ether which you must capitalize on before it dissipates by February 17.
Fellas, I’m begging you, do not squander this rare opportunity for love. Treat your significant other to an exotic, 50 Shades-esque VP Weekend of carnal pleasures. Because this merged holiday exists solely for pampering yourself and your lover.
But how should couples unfamiliar with the significance of the event properly seize VP Weekend 2015?