Category: Daddy Issues

24
May

Father’s Day Gift Suggestions (From My Father)

If you’re like me, Phil Henne, then you already own all the possessions you desire — a 2002 Ford Mustang and six pairs of casual men’s yoga pants.

So what to do when the “Papa, what do you want for Father’s Day?” queries rain down from your children like needy festive raindrops? Simple. You follow these steps:

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07
Sep

Your Mother And I Are Concerned You Haven’t Been Blogging (by Phil Henne).

Son, I’m worried. We both are, your mother and I. Your blogging has suffered these past two months, and we need to know you’re all right.

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17
Feb

Alternative Childbirth Options.

Water Birth
Your baby is born immersed in water. A passing dolphin chews through the umbilical cord and whisks your newborn into the ocean. The child returns on the dawn of its 18th birthday, riding atop a giant sea turtle, to choose a Land Walker spouse.

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22
Jan

The Top 5 Moments In Phil Henne

Phillip S. Henne, my beloved father, turned 72 this past Sunday.

Dad’s a big fan of the site. Just two days ago he said to me, “David I don’t understand these articles you put up.”

I love my father. We share a bond that transcends language. When dad says he’s confused about content posted on this blog, what he really means is “Why haven’t you put anything about me up on your site?”

It’s because no one would believe the Phil Henne chronicles. They’d argue that any supposed 100% true account of Phil Henne was too fantastic, too naked to believe. Yes, Bob Costas was seduced into eternal life by a deceitful wood nymph who now steals the Costas children’s consonants. I can sell that. People will buy that. But no one would believe half the shit Phil Henne’s been through.

Since it’s his birthday week, we’ll give it a shot anyway. Happy belated birthday, poppa.

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