THE BLOG

21
Nov

Heart-To-Hearts, And How to Avoid Them.

The only thing worse than the minimum wage law is the open-door policy so many offices encourage.

Let’s do some free association. What comes to mind when you hear “open door?”

  • Active crime scene
  • Drafts/warm air escaping
  • Mom entering the room carrying a baking sheet asking “Who wants ginger snaps?” then screaming “Oh God, David!”

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20
Nov

Keeping Your Bottom Line Toasty During the Winter Months.

Statistics show offices in the American North are far more profitable than our Confederate counterparts. Why is this? Do northerners possess some inherent quality that makes them superior office workers?

Yes. Northerners have larger brains, and are thusly more capable. Also our water is better. But there’s another factor involved: Weather.

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17
Nov

“Blocking” Writer’s Block.

As is tradition for all recently spawned blogs, this eleventh post addresses writer’s block. Not because I have writer’s block, of course! Hahah, no. No, I’ve got plenty of material for the coming days. Just look at this week’s thrilling lineup:

  • How to maximize your office heating bill.
  • How to wear long-johns under your slacks without raising suspicion.
  • Socks that scream success AND warm the tootsies.
  • Who turned on the central heating? 10 reasons it was probably Kurt.

See? Material for days.

This post is is for all those lesser professionals who can’t arrive a simple topic to blog about. Pick up the slack, William Blogspeares!

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04
Nov

Daylight Savings Time (AKA Employee Excuse Time).

Earlier generations had it made. Pious leadership in the White House, and idle hours filled with reading newspapers, smoking cigars and making love to your gender-appropriate spouse.

Thanks to Obama, there’s no longer such thing as a great weekend.

Now Saturday and Sunday are too fast, too furious to appreciate. There’s visits to the in-laws. Gluten-free trips to the Whole Foods. Mandatory teeth cleanings and unnecessary vaccines.

There’s never enough time for all the crap you need to do in a 21st-century weekend.

Now we’re supposed to go apeshit when Daylight Savings Time (DST) rolls around, because we’re that pathetic. (Make no mistake, an hour adjustment means nothing, but don’t tell that to your sensitive employees.)

The week after DST goes into effect is undoubtedly the most confusing fever dream your employees will experience. You’ll hear excuse after excuse about over-exhaustion and “intimidating sunsets.”

Get ready. Here are the typical reactions you should expect to witness this week, and how to deal with them:

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