THE BLOG

31
Oct

Staying Productive On Halloween.

It’s Halloween! Which means it’s time for your entire office to dick around.

Here’s how to get the focus back on work whenever a scantily-clad witch casts a stagnation spell over your workplace.

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30
Oct

Laying Off Staff Like a True Professional.

Some months you get drunk on Zimas and hire every college grad in the lobby. Some months you’re forced to layoff every employee whose last name starts with a letter between H and Z.

Here are the best, and most preferred, methods of laying off your staff without unwanted friction.

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29
Oct

A Timely Memo Regarding the Ebola Virus.

In closed confinement with a large concentration of physical interaction, office workers are at particular risk of contracting the Ebola virus. Please take every precaution to protect yourself and others here at Every American Office LLC.

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29
Oct

Office Life.

“Peter Greenless used bland stock video clips of people doing business to make a surreal video for the late DJ Rashad Harden’s killer cut ‘She A Go.'”

— via Boing Boing

29
Oct

Wrestling With Work Ethic.

NEWSFLASH: Wrestlers are the most effective and efficient employees in today’s economy.

Professional wrestlers get the job done. And they do it with panache — a distinct confidence and swagger absent even in the cockiest Ivy League grad. And the hair! My God, the fabulous hair!

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28
Oct

Boosting Traffic.

Clients are constantly asking me: “David, how do I boost traffic?” To which I always respond, “Traffic is the worst. It took me an hour just to drive to this dumb industrial complex. Why don’t we work on ways to LESSEN traffic?”

By the time this exchange is finished, I’m usually back on the road (in traffic!) wondering where the meeting took a wrong turn. More importantly, I’m wondering how the heck to navigate through the congested parkway.

Regardless of whether the cause of traffic is a eight-car pileup or a tasteful nude at an intersection, each of us must generate ways to preserve a pleasant traffic demeanor, such as:

  • Listening to audiobooks
  • Warding off tailgaters with wiper fluid
  • Dressing up as a Confederate soldier and screaming
  • Eating an endless sandwich with my right freakin’ blinker still on, RED COROLLA

But what is the end-all solution to traffic malaise?

Some say it’s a positive attitude and common courtesy. Others say its aggression. Sheer, berserker-style aggression.

I’ve averaged a two-hour daily commute for the past six years. This is what I’ve found helps:

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27
Oct

In Defense of Praise.

Social media has destroyed the notion of praise. Not a single one of us takes the time to lift one another’s spirits, because we have built-in devices specifically serving that purpose. Now, affection is a tiny counter reading “Retweet” or “Favorite” that must be replenished every day. When did we become so impersonal that we considered +1 a higher honor than a signed letter stating “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m sorry, I’m leaving you for Roger.” People just don’t put the same time and commitment into praise.

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22
Oct

Making the Most of Twitter.

Thanks to the Internet, consumer/industry communications are more sophisticated than ever before. From the comfort of our own homes, we can call the people at Sabra douchebags, the CEO of Sabra a racist or the human relations director at Sabra a prude philistine ashamed of the human body. After the break, we’ll examine how to utilize the glass-door transparency of consumer/industry communications to your advantage. What we won’t discuss is how my interview at Sabra went.
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20
Oct

Welcome!

Welcome to DavidHenne.com, an immersive experience for the Web 2.0 user. Where content is king! Responsive design is queen! And Parallax elements are the royal court! What does all that mean? I’m glad you asked! Follow me below the fold, and let’s learn together!
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